What the hell?

because nothing like this ever happens in nyc

I will now proceed to copy/paste from my brother's blog at navycharlie.blogspot.com

funniest damn thing ever.

Well I got some intersting driving experience today due to a combination of 3 things. First, 15 passenger vans drive very differently when they have 15 people in them as opposed to being empty. This comes into play when braking and turning, but will get back to that in a moment. Next comes our inclement weather and the fun havoc it plays with the roads. When its been sunny all day the pavement here literally has the ability to cook an egg (something to remember when sitting down). This mixed with a sudden afternoon shower results in a very impressive amount of steam coming off the road for a good 10 minutes. If you have ever cooled off a hot skillet in the sink with some water...try and imagine your skillet is 20 ft across and stretches around the island. It kind of looks like you have fog that ends at about waist height.

Here I am driving at a whole 40 mph in a 45 mph zone due to the first 2 above mentioned items (don't worry about the third factor...its coming). I'm feeling pretty safe and am ignoring the dirty look I'm getting from the vehicle behind me who wants to drive the full 35 mph (where could you possibly be rushing to around here?). Just as I'm rounding a long corner, factor 3 steps out of the rain/road steam and introduces itself....cock-a-doodle-doo. Yes, its one of our many feral chickens that are protected by British Law. I'm convinced that these little bastards are aware of their status and flaunt it. They often cross the road and then come right back seconds later.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he can and if you run him over it will cost you $500.

Anyway, Mr Rooster, his two girlfriends, and about 7 little baby chicks stop in front of me and stare me down. Normally this would be a good time to just hit the damn birds and avoid any chances of an accident, but not today. Coming down the street in the opposite direction are the British Police (remember the $500 per chicken) who are staring horrified at the impending chicken massacre. My boss, who is in the passenger seat, isn't helping either by yelling "chickens...cops.....errrrr!".

The following is what happens when you actually know what you are doing behind the wheel. This is not recommended for the casual driver. I decided to be nice and warn my passengers who were trying to figure out what my boss was yelling about......."hey, watch this s***". Any sailor knows that when you hear that coming out of another sailor's mouth, you should probably duck or look for a fire extinguisher and a first aid kit. I continue turning and slam my feet on the brakes and the gas which causes the van to skid sideways but yet keep going in the same direction (calm down mom). We skid right over all the chickens without touching them and then I downshifted and turned back into the skid while easing off the gas. This resulted in us straightening out after we had passed the chickens but before I ran into the British Police car. Nice :)

The cops drive past us in shock and nearly run over the rooster. The van is completely silent, which is amazing for that many sailors. Grinning like an idiot I pull off the road at the next turn (our destination) and shut off the van. I have never seen 14 people get out of a van so fast in my life. About 10 seconds later the brits come by and hop out of their car. Luckily my boss realized that I had done all that intentionly in order to not run over the chicken nuggets (thats how big the babies are) and she supported me during a conversation with the cops. I explained how I managed to turn the van into the stunt mobile and they stopped saying phrases like "loss of control" "@#$%^&* american drivers". They actually said thanks for not hitting the chickens but mentioned that I scared the crap out of them.

Not bad for a tuesday morning.

what did I do tuesday?

check voicemail.
send email.

sit in meetings.
dodge sidewalk traffic.

as a sidenote brother:
now that the fam has chalked up and shopped for fishing gear for you, i keep noticing the banner ads on your site to anglerdepot.com

posted by irene @ 7/02/2003 07:39:00 PM