Perspective is everything
Never ever ever invite a dominatrix to a holiday dinner.
That being said, see some hilarious and twisted holiday stories c/o the Village Voice.
Laughter always puts me in a better mood.
On an entirely different plane of thought, Legolas from the Twin Towers is much cuter than I thought. Didn't know he was a brunette. (Thank you Madame of the 9th Ave. Without you I would live in a little dream circle all the time. And yes, for the millionth time, you were right about blogging. It makes keeping in touch *so* much easier.)
Where did the weekend go?
And how can it possibly be Monday already? Does imbibing in the wonders of TheraFlu and NyQuil have anything to do with it?
Er, probably.
So I've been sleeping odd hours lately. Caught a nasty bug from my brother which (at any given moment - preferably socially embarrasing situations) I sneeze violently. And loudly. My eyes itch like gummy candy a toddler has rolled in their sandbox. And my throat is scratchy. Bleh. As someone quite adeptly put it," The gift that keeps on giving." Har. I know funny people.
So now that it's 12.41 in the morning I can't return phone calls. (Bad Irene. Sorry Trisha and Cristina and Tricia.) Nor can I make the phone call I was supposed to make to cancel my tentative plans for tomorrow. (Sorry E. No LIRR for moi.) What I am doing is painfully observing my meager monetary accounts, drafting a "you suck" email per my father's request, and dabbling with my students. Love the internet. But I *must* set up digital cable. ASAP.
la la la.
[Names]
HA. Small world indeed. Reading through my immense email right now and I see that company names change. This we know. But it's confusing. Novo is now semaphorepartners. They've morphed a job description to now be called," Experience Planning". Ah, but what about information design?
[Seasons Greetings]
Generic mass emails from former boyfriends are not welcome. Especially when the signature line includes the existing girlfriend. People, please, think before you hit send. I understand how email aliases are big time savers, but man that irks me.
Seasons Greetings
Dude, procrastination will kill you. Ask my brother:)
After much ado, my bicycle is almost packed and ready for flight. (I leave in 1.5 hours for the airport.) First the box was too big, then it wasn't, but then finally the wheels will be shipped separately. So for $40 my frame gets a ride to NY. Oy. But other than that, yesterday was fun filled with errand running (best saved for the few days before Christmas). Er, right. After being tortured by me, my brother had to go to the base to pick up a prescription for Jordan, drop off said medication at the bio dad's house, and then drop off holiday stockings at the mother's house. Time of arrival in his own home? 9.30 pm. Time of bedtime last night? Somewhere around 2. Length of anticipated nap today? Indefinite;)
Weight of my carry on?
Depends on whether I decide to bring my arm weights home.
(They're new! Purchased prior to the decision to return to the east coast. The dilemma. Ask me how I feel about being the uber cheap goddess after the strap on my carry-on busts.)
So that's it. Buh bye california.
See you in the new year folks.
Vest-a-chicken
Aside from the incredibly abnoxious colors, there are simply too many things on Joelles Chicken site to make you stop and wonder:
W h y?
oops
I made what I thought was ONE minor change to my template and now my archives aren't showing.
blah.
I really don't want to think about this.
About Her
There has been nary mention of Her as of late. Visiting New York last week I realize that I do have a readership base larger than one:) Under the auspices of "so you know" I stopped posting about Her misdoings for a number of reasons. She is not living under the same roof any longer, which fundamentally changed my day to day activities from a soap opera level to quasi-normal.
And there you have it.
Inner child's voice screaming," Bru har har! She's gone! She's gone!"
But that wouldn't be the prudently acceptable thing to do.
Where do the days go?
Yesterday just zipped by. I hid in my room when She came by, and then suddenly it was lunch time. Running to the base proved to be a much longer errand than anticipated. Acting as a money launderer I assisted in the purchase of my brother's Christmas gift. (My parents crack me up by insisting I witness the spending of their money. Granted, I share their doubts that prior money was properly spent. Still funny.) It's unbelievable how much prices drop on electronics if you wait. The camera (which I love) I purchased last spring is now selling at $299 at Target. Priced ten bucks less on base (and no taxes) it was a sweet deal.
I had a point to make when I started, but it's escaping me.
Well, actually just me. For those of you asking for my new address it's not going to be so new. Yup, it's official. I'm moving back east. And I have the OW ticket to prove it. (er, e-ticket. Print-outs still count!)
But on to the more important news: Lord of the Rings - The Two Towers rocked.
Loved the dynamics between the elf and the dwarf.
Favorite line by far," Don't tell the elf."
Followed closely by,"You're late."
Don't want to say too much, but I was very impressed with the special effects. Particularly how life like Gollum came across. (And yes, I did watch the making of the movie that was on last week.) Viggo was dreamier than ever. And boy, fighting can be messy.
As I age I am beginning to appreciate the finer things in life.
For example, aisle seats.
You try drinking 32 ounces of soda during a 3 hour movie.
(Which had at least 5 trailers *cough* commercials. Sidenote: The phrase," Oh God!" jumped from my lips after seeing Jim Carey in the Bruce Almighty trailer. It was funny because most of the audience had the same reaction. What would you do if you had the powers of God for a day? I'm still confused why someone like Jennifer Aniston's character would be in Buffalo. Anyhoo.)
Don't mean to be such a tease about moving, but I couldn't tell anyone until now. But yay! I'll be back the night before Christmas. (No really. It was ridiculously easy and low priced to make the purchase.)
Ok, that was annoying
Blogger was doing something odd and not posting an update. Even though I could see the previous post in my edit view it wasn't showing publicly. Thankfully I saved the post elsewhere - because - when I came back to check "just in case" it was gone. poof.
grrrr.
but it's up now.
and now you know.
And off we go!
Well, actually just me. For those of you asking for my new address it's not going to be so new. Yup, it's official. I'm moving back east. And I have the OW ticket to prove it. (er, e-ticket. Print-outs still count!)
But on to the more important news: Lord of the Rings - The Two Towers rocked.
Loved the dynamics between the elf and the dwarf.
Favorite line by far," Don't tell the elf."
Followed closely by,"You're late."
Don't want to say too much, but I was very impressed with the special effects. Particularly how life like Gollum came across. (And yes, I did watch the making of the movie that was on last week.) Viggo was dreamier than ever. And boy, fighting can be messy.
As I age I am beginning to appreciate the finer things in life.
For example, aisle seats.
You try drinking 32 ounces of soda during a 3 hour movie.
(Which had at least 5 trailers *cough* commercials. Sidenote: The phrase," Oh God!" jumped from my lips after seeing Jim Carey in the Bruce Almighty trailer. It was funny because most of the audience had the same reaction. What would you do if you had the powers of God for a day? I'm still confused why someone like Jennifer Aniston's character would be in Buffalo. Anyhoo.)
Don't mean to be such a tease about moving, but I couldn't tell anyone until now. But yay! I'll be back the night before Christmas. (No really. It was ridiculously easy and low priced to make the purchase.)
made it
and i'm tired
geesh.
perhaps drinking a whiskey on the last leg wasn't such a good idea. after reading a fabulous book over baltimore and nashville (thank you Jenny!) I managed to sleep through the extreme turbulence. I only woke up when the woman in the aisle seat gasped loudly and grabbed my forearm. after which she decided she was bored and was going to talk to me. (Those were her exact words.)
When I reached into my bag for a few magazines I mentioned how I hadn't read them on the way to New York. (breathe) With the smoothness of a pickpocketer she grabbed Vogue and said," Thanks!"
Um, that was the one I wanted to look at.
Hence the whiskey. The selection of beverages on board is limited. Southwest doesn't have aisle carts, so they crew takes turns running back to the galley. Less of a hassle when you meet in the middle of an aisle. BTW Southwest also has the smallest bathrooms ever. They're so small the doors open out, and don't bend the way most others do.
I, of course, had to pee during a layover (for which I was happy to remain on the plane). Since I was sitting in row 3 I walked to the front of the plane. Then I realized the pilot had to step backwards into the cockpit so that his door could close and therefore allow the bathroom door to open. Right-o. That must get old fast.
Anyway. My brain hurts.
sidenote: Did you know Southwest allows 3 checked pieces of baggage?
I haven't been reading enough
And apparently missed a glut of articles that some may deem relavent former dot-commers.
Ok, ok. So the story is from the beginning of this year.
Doesn't change the economy much, does it?
What would you say?
Sitting daintily in my in-box I leaped to open a message from a former coworker:
....and yes I am still at this address, but I never responded to this email because I was deep in the depths of depression (after going to the one-year memorial service for my friend [name removed] who was killed on 9/11).
er.
um.
"I'm sorry" doesn't seem appropriate. Nor does much of anything else.
Funny Statement
friend: What's wrong with New York?
me: I'm in a rut. I needed a change.
friend: So? We can change the bars we go to.
Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Thank you.
Even my mother thinks you made a funny.
Ah, yes. I forgot
The other very unique challenge I neglected to mention?
Stupid relatives.
Ok, ok. Strong words. But a very big g l a s s fixture fell on my head this afternoon. I pulled the cord on the ceiling fan and wam bam! OW. And then glass everwhere.
I blame the person who recently hurridly (is that a word?) cleaned the fans.
Eyebrow raise.
I suspect (and fervently hope) the ticket agent will be too polite to mention that I look like the victim of DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.
Oy. But I am extremely grateful blood was not spurted, nor was a trip needed to see anyone wearing scrubs.
Every environment provides unique challenges
In 'burbs of my parents it is the draconian dial-up.
Cable. DSL. Must haves. My fingers have slowly been rotting away from lack of typing and internet access. How DO people live without fast access?
Tomorrow I spend the 2nd half of my eve flying back west. And I don't want to go.
Whaaaat?
Well, I've never been one for celebrating birthdays. Since the middle of December is too close to vacations, school breaks, etc. parties have been held off since I was 17. (The year which everyone who did attend my shin dig wished me a happy Sweet Sixteen. Er. Fine. And no candles on the big 21 either, so sniffle sniffle.)
Actually, that's not entirely true. My first year after college/ study abroad an impromptu party was thrown in my honor on the upper west side. Long story, but a nurse from Wisconsin I had met in Rome (who I met in a god awful hostel next to the train station the night of a big soccer final) knew other nurses from Canada who were subletting a HUGE (real) 2BR apartment. and...it really is a long story, but that night was a very nice introduction to the open nature of new yorkers. I came with a cheeky smile and they proceeded to cook a spectacular dinner, repeatedly visit the wine shop downstairs and purchased a decorated cake with my name on it(!) Random. But yay!
Coming back to my original meandering train of thought...Parties. Birthdays. Last year I decided it was high time to throw a 'real' party. I proceeded to fret and picked a really loud place. Which we were literally tossed from at nights end;) (Another long story:) But a very merry one.
This year I planned a trip to visit the Mom & Dad before Christmas. I strategized that coming before the big Santa day was an absolute necessity in order to catch my friends before they went home. Southwest. Cheapo fare. Puuurfect. I throw a few dates at my friends on a busy weekend. No can do. Busy, busy, busy. Poo. BUT wait! Friday night worked for most.
And whooeee did i have a lot of fun! I wasn't thinking party party for Irene. Actually I wasn't really thinking at all until someone reminded me I aged the day we'd be meeting. Since I didn't beat people over the head with ME ME ME ME* I was suprised to see cards galore. And ribbons. And most importantly.... P R E S E N T S! (*I wasn't feeling particularly merry about work/CA/housing/etc and had a piss poor attitude about everything. So celebrating the year of my birth didn't seem like a prudent thing to do, you know?)
Hot damn I made out. It wasn't the stuff. It was the thought process and rationale that touched me the most. After waking up to one of the most crappy family mornings ever, my friends well, were my friends.
Ahem.
I have really, really, kick ass friends.
(These are not words that Hallmark would see fit to print, but suit me:)
Friday was bitterly cold, wet, and dreary. And you all managed to come.
Thank you for the BEST birthday every. As someone else once said, it's great when your friends get along with your friends. Especially when they've done the meticulous screening process for you;)
I am shamefaced (and need to apologize to one person in particular) that I drank too much and my loose lips verbalized a confused brain pattern. (I mingled the mean wife of one past coworker with another. Ooops. But the mean girlfriend-at-the-time really is mean. Granted she was defending old territory, but how was I to know they'd had the 'let's break up' conversation earlier in the day? Her face was crimson with rage as she watched her boyfriend feel the back of my hands and comment on how soft my skin is. Come on! I'd been laid off that day. Beer was involved. Anyway, I got the red-faced girl confused with another.)
My parents were duly impressed with my Jesus cards, stories, and the fact that batteries are not required for any of my presents. (There is a happy rabbit that my father still puzzles over.)
My only other regret (aside from the questionable tights I wore) was the high degree of musical chairs played. Don't get me wrong. I loved that. But I wish I had more time to catch up with some of you. :(
Saturday I had brunch and realized how long it'd been since I laughed so much. And I walked around the sidewalks of Manhattan. And pretended to be more important than I am in B. Goodman. And finally resolved the bracelet situation with Swatch. *eyeroll* And visited an old roommate (who really made me laugh. Trisha's party was in full steam when I jetted out, but I'm thankful I left when I did or I would have missed my train by mere minutes. Traffic. I had the honor of a cabby who spoke an interesting (and undecipherable) blend of Indian-English. I ended up throwing money through the window partition and sprinting 3 blocks to Penn.) And then I rode the LIRR the long way home to the burbs.
I miss New York.
And so seeing everyone made me happy and sad at the same time.
Well that was certainly annoying
But I'll have to save it for later. Offline only. Still moving to LA but no internship lined up.
Are you an "Attractive Female"? Someone on Craig's list needs one. Under the employment section. Additional requirements stipulated include: erotic and well spoken.
Hmmmm....
So check it out. I'll be in the state of New York tomorrow. And my birthday falls on friday the 13th (again). Wheeee.
Zee eyebrows
Oy. Overwaxed and plucked beyond belief. I feel naked. And robbed. And ready to ask for cosmetic assistance.
Not all Aveda shops across the country offer the same level of expertise.
Director of First Impressions
Hmmm.... sounds interesting...different. Curious I clicked on the LA times link.
A fun training company is seeking a Director of First Impressions (Front Desk Receptionist). (D'oh!) If you have experience providing the “first impression”(Oh, they're so witty.) with internal and external customers by efficiently and effectively answering incoming phone calls and greeting people at the front desk, this may be the perfect job for you. Job duties to include: - Receiving, greeting and directing clients, customers and visitors coming into the office - Monitoring and tracking attendance schedules -......
Har. How sneaky is that? And not very effective. Ya think the target audience is going to stumble across this gem?
*eyeroll*
So yes, I am looking at the L.A. market now. Perhaps it was bad timing with SD, but I'm in no position to wait for divine intervention. Tentatively scheduled to move right before Christmas, I purchased a nifty new bad last night. Hurray. Cheap and brand new. Gotta love impulsive shopping decisions other people make. Having a car available makes buying/moving big items easy.
Christ
Even the celibate won't take me;) I have debts and am therefore disqualified.
har.
(Although I do wonder what percentage of new members are recent college grads. Craziness to imagine making that kind of a commitment so young.)
Nightmare job
I’m surrounded by chaos and really need help! I am an overwhelmed entrepreneur who needs HELP at both my home and business offices. I own **name removed** ' as well as several rental properties and part of a monthly print and online magazine. I need a person who will make my life easier, not more difficult, so if you are honest (BOTH TO ME AND YOURSELF!), able to listen (TO CONCENTRATE, LISTEN, AND ASK QUESTIONS IF YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND), able to communicate (HONESTLY AND WITHOUT EXCUSES), organized, detail oriented (KNOW WHAT TO DO FIRST, PUT THINGS WHERE THEY BELONG, AND HOPEFULLY HAVE AN ANAL STREAK) willing to follow procedures (RECOGNIZING THAT OUR WRITTEN PROCEDURES ARE AN ACCUMULATION OF 24 YEARS OF RESPONSES TO MISTAKES OTHERS HAVE MADE, AND THERE IS NO NEED TO REPEAT THESE MISTAKES), a note taker (BECAUSE IF IT ISN’T WRITTEN, IT ISN’T SO), punctual (ONLY PUNCTUAL, RESPONSIBLE PERSONS NEED APPLY), and are able to admit and learn from your mistakes (VERY IMPORTANT! NOT ALLOWING YOUR EGO TO BE OK ADMITTING TO, AND LEARNING FROM, YOUR MISTAKES SO AS NOT TO MAKE THEM AGAIN), then please send your resume or call. Please indicate somewhere in your email or phone message that you have read this ad, or I will not respond to either.
shudder
Can you imagine what kind of boss you'd be dealing with?
Yay!
Bah humbug no more. The wallet was turned in. Guess not having cash made it an easy toss. Hurray! I'm picking that sucker up first thing tomorrow.
On a completely unrelated thread, ever wonder why bag-o-salad stays fresher much longer than a head of lettuce? Check out what the folks at HowEverythingWorks have to say. No regular oxygen for shelved produce. Eck. Kind of makes me queasy to think the 'life' of cheese can be expanded from 7 days to 180.
I was doing a search on the latest rage amongst celebrities and the well to do: purses with photographs imprinted. ANyone know what I'm talking about? I'd like to find out the name of the techniques used to transfer photos. Tricia planted the seed in my head and it's been bugging me ever since.
Flashback
Remember last December when a friend of mine had her wallet lifted?
Well, now that's me.
Except it happened on a military base. sigh. SO annoying. Thank goodness I have a passport or flying next week would be a bitch. After calling Chase I know the card hasn't been used. Hopefully the wallet will be returned and the drama of obtaining a new license will not be necessary.
Nothing, zip, zilch, zero
I received a kick ass discount from an employee of the Gap: 30% off of regular and sale priced merchandise at the Gap A N D the BR.
Problem being? There's little I crave at the BR. If you're a fan, and want to partake in the discount (online) shoot me an email and I can hook you up. So disappointing.
But now I'm perusing the gap online. I have the shopping itch. And it is positively screaming to be satiated. At this point I think an accessory will do the trick. Oy. Hallo MasterCard, sponsor of the What the Hell Itch.
Ok, less irrate at the Swatch Gods
Spoke with the NYC rep at 6.30 a.m. my time. Marianne rocks and is requesting all four sizes be sent to 5th ave during my visit. No driving hassle and I know it'll be over.
Note to self: Be wary of companies in the midst of expanding product lines.
The Challenged
Har. Checked my stats and nearly choked on the search that referred me via Google:
Information on Directionally Challenged Brains
I'll have you know I'm a solid planner, which more than compensates for my navigational deficiencies:)
Who am I?
take a free enneagram test
Fun and Love (respectively types 7 and 2) placed significantly lower in my results.
Trailing closely behind my type 4 result were the following traits:
...You desire loyalty, for people to stand by you. .
...You desire reason, to make sense of things.
Problem - you can drain yourself trying to figure things out so be attentive to your physical health.
Er, perhaps this explains my fluxuating waistline?
;)
Last comment. My score for peace was absolutely last. Ironic as "irene" means "peace" in the Greek language. My mother's attempts at taming her newborn didn't pan out.
Right. Dates. Forgot.
The one you know and love will be in New York state December 10-17th.
Manhattan visit planned for the weekend. (Dec 14 & 15).
Nothing organized.
Amenable to almost anything.
I despise the people at Swatch
Remember the fancy wave bracelet I picked up on HEL-NYC SAS flight?
The one that broke two days after being purchased?
That cost 45 euros?
That I tried to return within 30 days of purchase?
Well, actually i didn't want to return it. I just wanted a new one that wasn't broken. So the NYC peeps tried (emphasis here) to help. They promised to mail me a correctly sized bracelet asap.
They forgot.
Then I called them.
Then it came.
A bracelet that was too small.
This was three weeks ago. Since then I've tried to find a store that 1) carries the style w/o crystals (tacky) and 2) has my size.
I've been all over the place. The nearest store to SD is in Orange County. I wanted to smack "John" when he said return could only be processed within 30 days. If I wanted to do an exchange I'd have to find a store with stock available. (AS if it should be my job to drive all over southern california?).
I may soon become a professional complainer. I'm serious people. Between the identity fraud, the DMV, and now this, I'm cranking out reams of paper.
What's this you say about the DMV? Ooooooooo right. I forgot to mention that the DMV has me on record for an accident in 1999. A year in which I didn't own or drive a car.... because I was working in the city. Why does this matter?. Having an accident on record in the last 3 years substantially raises your insurance premiums.
D'oh.
So the trip up and back to San Fran rocked. Having my brother come up to LA for a few days was wonderful. And now I'm in a quasi-funk. I can't figure out what's bugging me. I got incredibly excited looking at 2BRs in Tricia's complex. (It's amazing how housing in other parts of the country differs from Manhattan. Add roommates and square footage increases while cost decreases. A novel concept.) I loved driving around LA (even though it rained on Saturday). And well, now there's little time left before I fly to Long Island. I'm feeling squeezed by the clock, with my future thrown up in the air.
After finally seeing the infamous Rodeo Drive I'm curious if anyone knows anyone in luxury brand management. LMVH anyone? The rich are different.
On a completely different thought, my brother is amenable to a TJ jaunt. A ride to Tijuana on the trolley will cost me in the neighborhood of two bucks. How crazy is that? I guess driving through the border isn't bad, it's the return trip that sucks up time. Another concern is car insurance. So trolley it will be.
Brb. Nite.
