Your Inner Blonde is Britney Spears
"Whee! I'm a virgin. Look at my butt crack!"
If everyone were as dumb as you, you'd be able to pull that one off.
But, you do get props for being one of the richest women around!
Who's *Your* Inner Dumb Blonde? Click Here to Find Out!
More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva
Oy. Not sure how that happened.
posted by irene @ 10/31/2002 06:12:00 PM
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The magic of digital cameras is just amazing.
Check out a Witchy Caylin & Black Cat
Caylin Glowing
Michelle, a.k.a. Marilyn, in the money shot and as a seductress
posted by irene @ 10/31/2002 01:32:00 PM
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Winona apparently lifted $1500 dress, $150 hair comb, and socks that cost in the neighborhood of $80. No wonder the jury gasped.
I might be able to blame a herbicide on my low sex-drive. All that time I spent in the midwest may come to haunt me. If things start growing, then I'll worry.
Do you suffer from NRSS? (News Related Stress Syndrome) Defined by the wsj in this article* as a "a vague sense of foreboding and irritability, along with difficulty focusing, going to sleep or waking up. There's also the midday nap, several beers at dinner, headaches, muscle spasms, unanswered phone messages, the desire to disappear." NRSS sounds a lot like the FMAJ syndrome (Find Me A Job:)
* wsj may require a password for this. if you want to read it and can't lemme know.
Kudos to Erin of gigglechick.com for being a
sack of potatoes today.
Last night I found a schnazy cape with a red collar for $3.50 and a blinking set of devil horns for a buck fifty. Whooee. Nothing but the finest for Irene:) We stopped at Joann's to buy safety pins for Caylin's costume (so we could attach glow in the dark bugs) and picked up 3 bags worth of Halloween crap-I-didn't-know-I-needed. Everything was 75% off! I think I'm really enjoying the extra space afforded to people living out west. Of the 14 items purchased (yes - but some were teeny) 7 possess spikes for the lawn. Either I enjoy stabbing things and this is the only means of expressing myself OR I like having a lawn. (Even if it isn't mine.) See my windmill witch andmy little vampire
Yesterday afternoon I carved my first pumpkin ever. The cat seems to like it. I made the biggest mess ever, but stabbing a knife repeatedly was kind of therapeutic;)
And, well, later gators. Time to remedy the FMAJ!
posted by irene @ 10/31/2002 11:35:00 AM
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You know the offenders. You've seen them shouting away oblivious to how *loud* they are.
Today I see:
>
> HI SHELLY:
> HOW EXACTLY CAN I HELP.
> I HAVE LIMITED TIME DUE TO MY BUSY SCHEDULE, BUT I WOULD LIKE TO HELP IN SOME WAY.
> I AM A NEW MEMBER, AND I WOULD LIKE TO CONTRIBUTE TO THE GROW OF THE CLUB. IT IS REALLY NICE TO HAVE A SUPPORT GROUP FOR WOMEN IN IT.
> PLEASE GIVE SOME CONCRETE IDEAS HOW TO HELP WITH THIS PROJECT OF YOU.
> CLIZA
>
That was sent privately between two individuals on a discussion list.
The recipient then chose to respond to the entire list:
> You can start by turning off your caps lock.
D'oh! And not less than 5 minutes later, the cap lock offender continues to 'contribute' to the list. USING CAPS.
sigh. A near-sighted suburban mom I can understand. But someone who supposedly works in IT?
Grouping idiots, did you see man (of course) at Baush & Lomb who lied about having a masters degree. Hallo. Why would you do that? His company withheld his 1M+ bonus. Darn. But he still has a job.
posted by irene @ 10/30/2002 05:47:00 PM
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Do banner ads have so much noise?
Netzero has an ad with a ringing phone. And it keeps ringing.
It's really annoying.
posted by irene @ 10/30/2002 03:48:00 PM
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Groan.
I should have stayed in bed. Nothing is going right. I am convinced I am cursed with multi-step registrations. Especially ones that require you to think. (At least this time I saved my answers prior to hitting 'submit'.) What's the point? lfsdkjsdlfkskmdfsdfmsfkldm. Maybe I'll walk the dog. At least he'll be happy.
...
You know, I had a mahhhhhvelous time last night hanging out with my brother. So being jobless isn't that bad since I've had time to re-familiarize myself with familia. (And yes, we carefully hid the evidence of our fun. Heaven help us, if She smells merriment in the house.)
posted by irene @ 10/30/2002 02:14:00 PM
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Aren't you impressed?
Doesn't this logo scream smartness?
I'm worried something is horribly wrong with my Outlook Express. I have it set up to receive (and I thought send) email from my Hotmal and Cox accounts. I've had no problem receiving mail from Hotmail, but think some of my outgoing mail is disappearing into thin air. If this is the case, it would help explain why I haven't heard from the recruiter from last week. er..oh.
Talk about wasted efforts. Geez. And I have no idea what's wrong. The set up is the same as always, but yet when I included myself on a blind copy this morning nothing happened. (If you do happen to receive somewhere in the neighborhood of ten emails from me, please forgive.) When I started sending resumes I didn't want to use the cox account address in case I had to move. Seemed like a good idea. But now... well, can't worry too much about old job postings. grrrrr. Must make coffee.
posted by irene @ 10/30/2002 01:16:00 PM
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What were they thinking? This from one of the top 3 government contractors.
Ugh. I think I'm going to showcase ugly/bad/80's/blinking design headers.
posted by irene @ 10/29/2002 02:11:00 PM
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Uh, oh. I just went out to get the paper and don't see the mini-van. Which probably means She didn't drive it home last night from work.
You would think it'd be possible to not have a drink so you could drive yourself home. Geesh. This is terribly annoying as she'll swing in quarter til ten and casually ask me to drive with her to work. It only takes 15 minutes to drive there. However, anytime we go we 1) need gas (her Dad is smart and doesn't put any more than he needs in the tank) and 2) She needs hangover food (Jack in the Box). So what should be a 1/2 hour eeks into an hour. And quite frankly, I don't feel like doing it. I'm seriously contemplating taking the car and just going somewhere. Let her figure out how to get to work. Can you imagine how pissed she'd be?
Yesterday she had her panties in a bunch and decided to 'return' Mujaji, Goddess of Rain. a.k.a. My favorite dog. If I had a house and a yard I'd take the dog. But unfortunately that's not the case. Mujaji chewed on a pair of headphones in front of Her. She flew into a rage and punished the dog. Since this was the first time the 1 year old puppy had been caught, I figured no big deal. You can only punish a dog as they're caught in the act, right? But no. She hates the dog and says it has to go. The poor dog is finally settling in and out it goes. Mean horrible wench. There's no way you can hate an animal that only knows love and adoration. She had been an outdoor dog and absolutely loved living indoors, especially on nights we used the fireplace. To top it all off, I feel guilty since I'm the one who let the dog inside. I didn't know She was mad and let the poochies follow me while I was doing laundry. sigh. This stinks.
Ok, it's been confirmed. I heard her. She's home. And with the rough, raspy I've-had-a-few-drinks-and-cigars. But guess what? She's been turned down for new boobs. That's right. Instead of worrying about surgeries she needs (like a hip replacement - which was the reason for the stomach stapling procedure) she's been looking forward to having her boobs lifted and tucked. The doctor didn't turn her down, her credit did. Ha. She doesn't have the money, or the ability to finance.
Only in California can you make monthly payments for surgical enhancements. I mock and vilify Her wants as this is what put Her in a pissy mood...which resulted in Mujaji getting the boot. I'm convinced that something horrible happens to mean people in the afterlife. May she be fat, sober, flat chested, and mute.
posted by irene @ 10/29/2002 11:56:00 AM
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So a friend of mine trucked it out to Washington D.C. for the March against the war on Iraq. She came back with some funny stories, and even funnier chants...
... “We need more oil for our traffic jams!”
... "We must be grateful for our car-based culture.”
... “What is our oil doing on their soil?”
... “What is the sound of one corporation merging?”
... “We need to worship fear, people. Let nowhere there be a relaxed asshole.”
... “Let’s all kneel before the holy phallus” (i.e., the Washington Monument)
Friend (who is kind of kooky but harmless) hooked up with the contingent from NYC called An Absurd Response to An Absurd War. They’re led by Rev. Billy, this local Lower East Sider actor/comedian who does an astonishingly accurate impersonation of Billy Graham, only “our” Rev. Billy is a preacher for The Church of Stop Shopping. He dresses in a polyester white suit with a cleric collar and is best known around town for his activism against Starbucks and the Disney stores. He’s got a very heightened consciousness about consumption, but mainly he’s just hilarious as he performs his preacher/activism.
His contingent included 1950’s-dressed “Housewives for War” who had pink, green, and purple beehive wigs. His Church of Stop Shopping Gospel Choir in choir robes sang, spoofing songs such as John Lennon’s, turning it into “All we are saying is give war a chance.”
The group had numerous bold-faced, officious-looking placards, many mimicking Orwell’s “1984.” Mysterious friend carried one of their signs that said “Tell Us What To Think.” On the back was a blurry, pixilated photo of Bush with the giant word “OBEY.” Other signs said:
... “Perma War”
... “God Bless Hysteria”
... “We’ve Always Been At War With Oceania”
... “Ignorance is Strength”
... “No Justice, No Peace Either”
And the chant cited earlier,"The pizza, ignited, will never be reheated," was in place of that famous chant “The people, united, will never be defeated.”
I've never been to a peace march, but hearing from her was nice even if it's about such a sensitive topic.
posted by irene @ 10/28/2002 06:41:00 PM
1 comments
Try spending some time carefully inputting personal and professional data online sometime. Be sure to follow instruction, provide your resume in multiple formats, respond to essay style questions, and then hit 'submit'.
Do you want to see something like this?
Uh, no.
What does that mean? Did part of my profile save? Or were steps 1 through 8 a complete waste of time? Pooey.
Maybe I should throw in the towel and try
I hear they have great career opportunities. I know the place up the street is hiring Walkaround Characters. snort. Imagine that. Surly me buried under two tons of mouse foam.
posted by irene @ 10/28/2002 04:49:00 PM
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Whether we say it in English, Spanish, French or German, the message is the same...You didn't win.
SORRY, TRY AGAIN.
And that folks, is the story of today. A message reinforced when I opened a pack of m&m's. I haven't heard a squeak from my promising leads of last week. I'm balanced precariously at the point where you don't want to be overly pushy and look completely desperate. Recruiters/ HR Gods call me! (please:)
Ho Hum. So here are some pictures of the little people from this weekend. We went costume shopping and came up with A Cat in the Hat, a Ninja, and a Knight. All attired in cheap, stretchy poly-blends that will self-destruct immediately upon usage. I'm so glad my mom used to make my costumes.
Out of the three, Jordan is the happiest. He's aaaaaalways happy. Look at him
looking at himself. I love Jordan. He lives in his own little world of imagination. Last night a $2 roll of tape, a happy meal box, and some chopsticks put him right back into Peter Pan. I wish I had taken a picture so you could see. On one hand it's incredibly sad he's cacooned in an autistic shell, but this child is constantly in a fantasy world where he sings (and knows the words to every Disney song), dances, and plays. And he's never in a bad mood.
I think She was going for a Bride of Frankenstein look. This is also the outfit she wore 'the' night. Earlier in the day she dressed as Tippy Hedren from The Birds. Kind of a cute idea, where she wore a green suit with birds from Michael's tacked on.
And what else? Ah. Yes. Pets. Here's one of four cats, Garfield, making himself comfortable in a sock drawer. You couldn't have moved that cat if you tried.
And here are my buds, the pooches.
Chuckie and Mujaji.
posted by irene @ 10/28/2002 02:51:00 PM
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I shouldn't have to apologize for that.
We were kidding around after a few drinks. Yet another sign she should reevalute.
And for the record, I know how much it peeved her when her Dad poured me a glass of wine and not her....and then proceeded to not have any for himself. (He went to bed b/c of an earache.) I saw her face. The salt started flying earlier when her Dad brought home a paper for moi earlier in the day. (The Union Tribune is, er, lacking, in comparison to the NY Times.)
la dee dah.
Good night. And thank goodness for long distance phone calls from friends half way around the world. It's nice to hear from home once in a while.
:)
posted by irene @ 10/28/2002 03:29:00 AM
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NOW I did it. We were watching a payperview when I shhhh'd her once too many. And off she went to bed. "Politely" excusing herself. I, personally, was relieved after I realized what I did. A horribly, cunty thing of me to do, but god, f*ck her. I spent a good part of today tiptoeing around her. And you know what? I talked to her dad. He agrees. She drinks too much (and no, I don't have to move just now. It's not her housethankyouverymuch.)
Whatever.
So today I took the kids to the park, and the bastard misbehaving child actually had a good time. As did the dog. Chuckie ran like the wind. (sorry, he really did.) And so did I. We played so long I had to call my brother to come pick us up. We walked the near mile to get there. And Nathan actually enjoyed the whole trip. For such a miserable unhappy child he surprises me once in a while.
Aside from that, I can't say much more. Aside from admitting I lost the mini-van Saturday night. (There are a zillion and one white mini-vans parked outside of a Walmart on a Saturday. Sorry. Thank god for panic buttons.)
Fine. Grr. I am going to bed in my futon. While my brother is not sleeping in his bed becuase of something I had the audacity to say. Like," Shhhh!" Whatever.
posted by irene @ 10/28/2002 02:57:00 AM
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It's weird to be yelled at and asked where your brother is.
And it's weirder to lie, and say you don't know.
It's sad to see someone use their kids as a shield.
There isn't any food in the house because YOU as a mother haven't provided any.....since you were at the bar last night. You had more than enough time to heck, take a cab, if you were too intoxicated to drive to the market. Guilt trips are not a very effective tool. It's too bad you can't go anywhere and write checks because you've misplaced your ATM card and can't find your military ID card. Get it together.
Shit.
shithshitshtishtishsslkjdfsalkjsdfakleraoi
When confronted and asked to loan money for the boys costume how could I say no? I can't be the grinch that stole Halloween. She's supposedly going to give it back to me when their dad pays. Whatthehell? And now I have to spend time with her?? And the most annoying child ever? (the ADD kid has some serious attitude issues and a big mouth.) I should have left earlier and just driven around. But no.
sigh. shoot me please.
posted by irene @ 10/26/2002 02:24:00 PM
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Did you know that the cost of living index is 66 (compared to 413 in New York)? And according to Monstermoving.com, no state or local income taxes? That can't be right.
posted by irene @ 10/26/2002 11:51:00 AM
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Do you think I would want to work in TX, MA, FL, PA or Memphis?
I dunno, but I'm sending my resume back to the recruiter(s!) that have asked for it.
Why not?
(And if I end up in po-dunk nowhere I'll pay part of your flight to come and visit:)
posted by irene @ 10/26/2002 11:21:00 AM
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Excited as could be over the arrival of a "real" office chair.
And now it turns out I may need to move sooner than expected.
Two very different things.
My back, arms, and butt are very thankful my elbows are now at desk level. I'm sure my neck will chime in later. But now my head hurts with worry, anxiety and concern. Not so much over my living situation, but for the immediate household. She finally pushed it too far and demonstrated she's too irresponsible to 1) take care of her kids overall 2) reside peacefully with family and 3) get off her damn ass this morning and take care of her own kids. I am NOT doing it. And guess what? There's no other adult present to do so.
Her dad smartly slipped out as soon as he woke up. Bro has been gone since the last explosion. And that leaves me. And I'm sorry. I'm leaving mother nature, cough, to pick things up. Paying rent does not automatically assume that Irene will bathe/feed/entertain/discipline.
I will, however, buy dog food today. And start looking for another place to live. But first I have to speak with George (house owner - Her dad). I'm paid through until the 15th or so of next month. I didn't want to move yet since the car setup was ideal. (George has two means of transport and has generously been letting me use one.)
All this after a fruitful day of jobhunting and costume shopping. Pooper.
posted by irene @ 10/26/2002 11:00:00 AM
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But it costs $1545 to take a 4 day course on UML?
I think I'll buy a book. (And for this weekend I'm having my brother suck ink out of the NAVY on my behalf. He's been so kind as to print reams of stuff for me. Yay.) I need enough information so I can claim it as a skill on my resume. It is de rigeur in these parts to know UML for a higher paying BA job. It can't be that hard. I want to earn a decent living, and not be groveling on the edge of the freeway. The temp job (if they call me back) only pays a small premium on what they pay admin assts.
Ho hum. I think I'm going to stay in tonight (shocker) and either be crafty or start studying. Not sure what I'm doing Saturday, but at some point my eyebrows will be waxed.
Sunday morning I'm meeting up at a bar, gulp, to do, um, something. Normally they meet there to watch a particular football team, but since they're not playing this weekend I'm not sure what it is their eyes will be glued to. And as an interesting development, I may finally meet the mysterious girlfriend of a friend of a friend. (Wow, that's confusing.) Basically, one of the few people I know in SD has a gfriend who he moved out here with. The one time I was supposed to meet the two of them for drinks, she copped out and stayed home. The drama unfolds as they're in the process of moving residences, but not relationships. Hmm. I don't think I'd handle that very well. But, as mentioned earlier I'm "cynical" :)
posted by irene @ 10/25/2002 06:53:00 PM
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And I thought these ghost dogs were cute.
But these Hot Dogs are WAY cuter!
Image provided without asking (eep!) from Alison's friend in Miami
posted by irene @ 10/25/2002 04:00:00 PM
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Listen to this:
"Erotica, especially visual erotica, has been male-dominated largely because men have been willing to financially support it. So, please do consider putting your money where your mouth is."
And it just dawned on me that I'm stranded. The errands I was planning to run are going to wait due to the loud, smelly street paving that's occurring as I type. Bummer. But, nothing. I'm annoyed I didn't think about moving the car earlier, especially since I was up at the crack of dawn today.
posted by irene @ 10/25/2002 03:28:00 PM
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Forgot to start with the important news - potential 2 week gig on the horizon!
yay!
The recruiter sent me the job spec and said if I "wanted to please TAILOR my resume to reflect the job requirements if I have the knowledge and/or experience of any of these required/desired skills". Um, so what did I do? I added the words she oh-so-casually tossed out during our phone conversation. Hope it works, money is money. And hey, I'd get to meet human beings! (instead of just talking to dogs all day:)
posted by irene @ 10/25/2002 03:26:00 PM
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Here's the Fred & Lydia's darling:Baby Shinn
awwwwww...........
posted by irene @ 10/25/2002 03:23:00 PM
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Remember Cake Girl?
(warning: this picture is on the bigger side. if you're on a dial-up it's not that important.)
I took this picture right before I left Finland of Nea, Tarja's adorable 3 year-old-walking-adult. I didn't think much of it, other than it was really cute. I made copies for her family and carry a wallet size. Don't you wish you could eat cake like this and be messy?
A copy also exists on Tarja's boyfriend's computer. (He saved them before he burned a whole lotta CDs for me.) Pekka works in the wild and crazy advertising biz as a very successful designer. Apparently he used the Cake Girl in a brochure they were showing a client. A draft brochure. The client simply raved about the little girl and had to have her. All very exciting, as Nea has been officially hired by the company to have photos taken. So much for stock photography.
How did I find out?
Tarja let me know the other day on the phone. In a casual, oh-by-the-way-i-almost-forgot-isn't-that-great-way. Couple things here. Yay! I am good photographer, thank you very much. I think I have an eye for it. However, I'm surprised Pekka would use my work 1) without asking 2) show it to a client and 3) well, I don't know what I mean. But I was kind of irked and pleased at the same time.
bleh.
Do you think you would pass a written driver's exam today?
I started 'studying' for the big day. The things you need to know just baffle me sometimes. I need a California state ID to start the residency process (in order to squeeze a lower priced education out), and (grr) to be able to buy beer/booze without a hassle. Places will actually turn down a NY state ID! The nerve. And the motivation for Irene to stand in line at the DMV:)
From Femmerotic.com comes an interesting article on curvy women. If you skim, I don't want you to miss this tidbit at the end:
A size 1/2, which is purportedly the average size of your run-of-the-mill Hollywood starlet now is the same size as a 6/8T. That's right, the size for your average 6-8-year-old girl.
Thank you Heather Corinna
posted by irene @ 10/25/2002 03:03:00 PM
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I had heard hallowed whispering about the holy grail of beers, the low-carb alternative, but seen nothing in writing until today. (Ok, I didn't exactly go looking.) According to Fortune.com, Anheuser-Busch is targeting 'active drinkers' with
Michelob Ultra. Know anyone that's tried it?
And in other news, Martha gets gouged (yet again) by pumkins.
Oh Martha. Where will I buy my sheets? Whose catalog will I need to steal from my friends?
posted by irene @ 10/24/2002 08:59:00 PM
0 comments
Someone sent me information on the
LEAP program at Boston University which accelerates the non-engineering undergrad into a master's level program.Warning: cheesy fonts and graphics.
Then I read Bill Manofsky's tirade on why engineering was a bad career choice. He went to Georgia Tech and thinks Marketing/Sales is a much better path.
Kind of funny to how everyone has an opinion on everything. And there's never a 'right' way to go.
posted by irene @ 10/24/2002 06:54:00 PM
0 comments
Just for fun (in the let's waste 3 minutes kind of way), I took a quiz. THIS is my result.
What Kind of Virgin Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Alright, alright. So I'm suffering a wee bit of dry spell, but Cynical?
sigh. Back to finding gainful employment.
On a happier note Fred and Lydia had their baby in the wee hours this morning. Yay! It's going to be a looker.
posted by irene @ 10/24/2002 01:32:00 PM
0 comments
I apply for something called "Manager of Fairness" and that's the recruiter that responds.
It was a lark. I figured I'd join the other lemmings and flood the market with my resume. Since nothing is happening, more can't hurt right?
So off goes a word version of my resume to a web community that plays games. Er.
posted by irene @ 10/23/2002 04:54:00 PM
0 comments
wheeee! love it when recruiters call asking for me.
except this time i didn't tell them non-CA areas were bad.
i just said," Ok. Lemme know."
Basically, I am at their beck and call and may be inclined to move anywhere.
Whatever. It can't be that bad.
Tongiht the brother and I hung out. Love it when she stays 'at work' due to the DHP (district highway patrol) (she can't drive anymore her license is suspended). So carlos and I went to the cost plus and picked up some wine. And we watched Black Hawk Down. Loverly.
posted by irene @ 10/23/2002 01:38:00 AM
0 comments
Right then. So no matter what I say, SHE is an expert. I'm reading through the classified (always a joy) when I choose to read one aloud to her. Sales analyst a local beer distributor. The words were still floating in the air when She said,
"Oh, they already called me and asked if I wanted the job. Trust me, you wouldn't be comfortable there."
Er. Did I mention I never told her the NAME of the freaking company?
And what do you suppose the reason might be she gave the folks for turning down the job? (In her fictional world?)
"Nah, thanks. I prefer to work in a hole in wall, where *prostitutes* and drug addicts come in once in a while." OR
"No can do. Got these DUI's and I won't pass a background check?"
God that irritated me. Yes. I stay home every day and sit in front of this computer. But I'm not an idiot, and don't want to take a menial labor job ever again. Bartending may feel glamourous to Her, but it doesn't look so rosy over here when you're only taking home $40 on an average day. So don't be pretentious and assume you know anything about my background.
bleh. Where's my job?
Sidenote: Did you notice there's two 'e's in beeresponsible.com?
(ok, there's actually 4, but i'm looking at the beginning of the url.)
Not 'be responsible' but 'beer....esponsible'. Nice. Will do.
posted by irene @ 10/22/2002 03:43:00 PM
0 comments
Not so happy with MSN right now. Weirdness is stopping my hotmail from being access via Outlook. In order to read my Hotmail I need to visit an actual browser window. Which I hate. And which decidedly does not conform to my neat little filing system. The most annoying thing is the lack of a preview window. My eyes will inevitably be exposed to pron* today. When you're looking for a job you're obligated to open mail from strangers. Some of the smarter pron spammers have realized that their customers may be looking for more than friends, and that job adverts will pull 'em in. Yuck.
*Intentional mispellings will be used going forth to stop the search engines from referring people who type in 'pron' AND 'woman bites man'
Ever wonder why the U.S. Immigration was so incompetent? Or how they regularly slow things down? Or let the bad guys through so easily? Well, consider the requirements they post on their job section. Aside from the programmers a college degree isn't necessary. And they refer to the very important people who process applications as Marketing Representatives. And now I know why my mother waited years to get her paperwork done. Oy. Go team U.S.A.
posted by irene @ 10/22/2002 01:27:00 PM
0 comments
"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, design a building, write a sonnet, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, solve equations, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly.
Specialization is for insects." -- Robert Heinlein
I am overspecialized. I don't remember where I found this, but thought enough of it to tack it to my desktop. It's been there for ages. Why don't I know how to plan an invasion? Or kill my own swine?
Out of the 15 items listed I can comfortably cross off seven, with two or three ambiguous areas. I feel overspecialized when forced to pick categegory groupings that describe my professional experience. cough, Monster.com. bleh. (But I really don't see how pitching manure is supposed to help me.)
posted by irene @ 10/21/2002 02:24:00 PM
0 comments
"SKILLS: Office environment. The work is mostly sedentary, but also requires walking, standing, bending, sitting and carrying light items."
Important enough to note on a professional job description? What are we talking about here? A stapler, or something with more heft? Perhaps a 3-hole punch?
posted by irene @ 10/21/2002 11:44:00 AM
0 comments
Halloween is right around the corner! I'm going to carve my pumkin tonight. I think. I'm becoming a wee intimidated by Lowe's Carving a Jack-O-Lantern/ They have diagrams. And it's apparently important to start with the smaller inner details first.
Hey, remember the days when you had someone else buy you beer? Before you were 21, but still able to get in a bar? Not such a good idea considering the police are running sting operations to catch shoulder tappers.
Koalas Sent Home. Those adorably cute animals ate enough to get kicked out of a zoo in Ohio. They're being sent back to SD because they chewed up a fifth of the budget for the WHOLE zoo. Snort.
posted by irene @ 10/20/2002 09:53:00 AM
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Har. I've just 'joined thousands of San Diegans who are already e-Lert!ed.'
(I signed up for an email update list.)
Do you think they trademarked the phrase? ;)
posted by irene @ 10/20/2002 09:49:00 AM
0 comments
Happy Sunday to ya!
Getting up before the sun has benefits. Quiet. Long showers without worrying about the next person in line. Dogs that can't wait for your approval first thing in the morning - as though something drastic would have changed over night. Oh, and Darkness. You can take that last one a couple of ways.
[The Good]
But first let's rewind the clock 8 hours. After watching Drew in Riding in Cars with Boys at home I accidently made a joyful discovery. Someone actually read my resume and (here's the kicker) didn't immediately toss it into the trash!
Mixed in with a bunch of junk mail was an envelope from 'A Company' which I applied for a position last week. Since I've seen my fair share of auto-reject letters from HR departments in the past, I ripped the envelope open with gusto. "Har, har, here's my first 'No' you're a loser letter. Maybe I'll frame it." But no.
'A Company' has received your application for Business System Analyst (Limited). Thank you for giving us the opportunity to consider you for employment. [[Almost didn't keep reading at this point. ]]
An evaluation has been made of your training, education and experience as it relates to this position [[Doom on the horizon]]. All the candidates that meet the minimum job requirements are placed on an "Eligibility List" in random order. [[Figured they were going to tell me to apply again in the future.]]
...blahblah explanation of how the 'list' works and the remainder of the selection process. longest paragraph ever....
We are pleased to advise you that you are one of the candidates on the Eligibility List.
posted by irene @ 10/20/2002 09:23:00 AM
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Ew. Deep Fried Twinkies As if we didn't already have a nation of above average sized folk. Just add lard to all un-natural ingredients, and presto! You have the making of a new phenomena.
posted by irene @ 10/19/2002 04:54:00 AM
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So when we were walking the dog around Lake Murray, we saw a
parrot being walked. Big guy squaks his feedback. Loudly.
posted by irene @ 10/18/2002 05:11:00 PM
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Loved it when I went to CHI two years ago. But somehow it's manifested itself in a quiz I took today. I'm from New York. I'll always be a New Yorker! Nooooooo! Irene dying small death slowly.....
Congratulations, you're Seattle.
What US city are you?
Take the quiz by Girlwithagun.
posted by irene @ 10/18/2002 02:11:00 AM
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But this time we're not talking about the 'rents. We're worried about H E R.
Tonight my brother and I rejoiced when She called.
She decided to 'see some friends' at Fannies. After a long day of working there.Yippee!
So no AA meeting for my brother. Which meant we stayed home and finished a bottle of wine. And then started on a six pack.
Like giggling children I just ushered my brother out to the recycling bin. So that She wouldn't know we were drinking. See the irony here? She's at a bar, and we're worrying (when she comes home baboozled and belligerent) that she'll freak.
Er.
Right.
But the important thing to remember is how much fun the *name removed* kids had.
Yay!
posted by irene @ 10/18/2002 01:46:00 AM
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Don't withhold sex, or you too could be part of a news headline Woman Bites Man - And He Dies.
Gah.
I wonder if she's the kind of neighbor that throws grass clippings over the fence.
And if she is, that means anyone of the surbanites you and I know could be next!
This dumb ass bit his dog on the nose.
Alight melodrama. Calm down. This is what happens to me after 2 glasses vino.
After being sucker-punched (and wasting 1/2 a day) I stopped at my local supermarket for some basic supplies as a pseudo reward. What did that purchase amount to? Pretty much a packet of hot italian sausages (iron deficiency in 2-3 days!), 3 packages of cheese (which were on sale for 3/$5 whoo hoo), a bottle of mineral water, and, as mentioned earlier, one bottle of wine. Mind you, I haven't drank the entire thing, but could have!
Basically I thought a recruiter was calling me in for an interview, but it ended up being an "executive management search firm". A.k.a. You pay them to market you.For a fee.
And back to the title for today - Dumb Pain
First, I direct you back a day to an injury suffered by a dear friend of mine. My comments are piped in.
Story begins, as all my stories, a few weeks ago. Before I went on vacation up north I sent the rugs to the dry cleaners (after having poured about 2 gallons of dirty flower water on my boyfriend's [[names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent]] rug). Last Thursday morning the cleaner guy brought them back.
So at night, after spinning and right before my favorite tv show ER [[ironically]], I started to take the rugs off the plastic bags that they were wrapped in. Since these plastic bags are so valuable (???!!?? - heaven forbid, should I cut them off and not be able to reuse them in about the next 6 months to a year,) I started to pull them off. Since the guy had put tape around them, the bags were pretty tight. But I was determined to get the goddam things off in one piece. And no, I couldn't wait for my boyfriend, that was coming home in about 30 minutes - ER was starting.
Sooo. Since after some minutes of fierce pulling, the bag was almost off. I gathered my strength for one last pull. I held the rug in place with my knees, and grabbed a tight hold of the bag with my hands, - and thanks to the wonderful berry vitamin pills* - strong nails. And I pulled as hard as I could - until my fists (still holding on the goddam plastic bag) - and nails - flew right at my face, hitting me in the face.
Yes, cutting an almost inch long cut at the geographic center point of my face (minus the nose). Even before I looked in the mirror, I knew that I had a pretty deep cut on my face. My right tumb nail had cut a u-shaped cut, about a pinky's width from my nose on the left. And blood was gushing out.
Boyfriend comes home after being phoned by frantic injured friend. Laughs. Men.
FIVE stitches.
Let this be a warning: Housework is B A D!
*Um, EH, these are the same vitamins I bought home as a souvenir. So be warned!
D'oh! Almost forgot:Redheads Feel More Pain.
Now that I'm sitting here I can't think of one person I know with red hair. Hmmm. Does strawberry blond count?
posted by irene @ 10/17/2002 11:27:00 PM
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Take me out to the ballgame
(But NOT to the bleachers)
A trade, ladies and gentlemen.
Actually, only men.
Barter your sperm for Giants tickets.
No, really.
To see other 'interesting' craigslist postings, go here.
posted by irene @ 10/16/2002 09:20:00 PM
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An "executive career management firm" wants me to come in to meet them.
Problem?
Not a freaking clue how they got my resume. And I'm not sure how to verbally sell myself when I'm there.
Gah. A momentary flash of stupidity stopped me from thinking and I didn't ask what job I had responded to. I looked through the sent folder I've been holding recruiter/job mails and Tammy isn't there. So that means something I submitted online(?). Bleh. Must be a little more organized with the approach.
posted by irene @ 10/16/2002 06:48:00 PM
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Didn't realize that sites still existed like
this.
Attn. Recruiters with Lazy Eye Syndrome:
I am NOT interested in jobs in Texas, podunk Alabama or Iowa.
Everytime I see a nugget in my in-box with the words "urgent" "business analyst needed" or "still available" I jump. And then sit back dejected. Every single resume I've churned says the same thing "southern California" not "middle of nowhere". Take that you internet trollers.
posted by irene @ 10/16/2002 03:08:00 PM
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I just blow-dried the dog. I've turned into my mother.
He was dirty. I washed him. It's rather chilly (60F). He looked cold after some vigorous towel rubbing. So out came the Conair ion shine 1875. Granted dear ole Chucky looked at me rather strangely, but didn't run away. I don't want him to catch a cold!
posted by irene @ 10/16/2002 01:38:00 PM
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As if the airline industry didn't have enough problems, a pilot was pulled from the cockit as he "did not appear fit for duty"(a.k.a. Drunk).
I wonder what story the flight crew gave the passengers.
posted by irene @ 10/16/2002 12:33:00 PM
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That pretty much sums up the level of effort my Xnot boss #1 put forth. But yet she somehow sle- made VP of Strategy level. Swallowing the bitter pill. Ok, so the picture has Man Hands (remember the Seinfeld episode?). I had to giggle when I saw the image choice some designer used on Overture's jobs section.
Gee, if working there lets me have pretty binders, lots of pens, and bowl of candy sign me up!
Alright, alright. Back to plowing though the Fast 500: Rising Stars. Can't rely on it too much tough, as Scient is listed as No.2. (former employer now pretty much defunct)
posted by irene @ 10/16/2002 10:44:00 AM
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Today I receive an email from HR notifying me that a job that "better matches my skillsets" has been posted and I'm encouraged to apply.
Don't get excited yet.
I go, dutifully following the link, only to discover the job description is for a freaking software engineer. Did I ever say I was interested in programming? Or back-end architecture? Er, no. But the mere use of the word "architect" in my resume bedazzled a lowly human resources clone. Read people, read!
After jumping through hoops, spell checking like a fiend and pontificating on the wonders associated with being a Product Manager I submitted a profile to the aforementioned potential employer. Guess the two hours I spent over the weekend were a complete waste. Grrr.
posted by irene @ 10/16/2002 09:34:00 AM
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Remember how tired I was yesterday? And grouchy because someone woke me up in the wee hours?
Well you'll never guess who woke up on her own at 4 am. 4:01 to be specific.
That's right. Me. Apparently the dumbest person this side of the Mason Dixon line. sigh. WHY my internal alarm clock went off, I'm not sure. But it may have something to do with guilt. I was having a weird dream which included (in no particular order): the Dean from ***, sharp nails, a trip to the emergency room, and (of course) getting lost on the way there.
- The Dean I can attribute to recent email correspondance
- Sharp Nails is a story I'll post next (for which my friend Tarja is going to kill me)
- Lack of a sense of direction covers the third
But why would my brain put the three of those together?
Bleh.
This morning I have the fine taste of metal in my mouth. No, I'm not dying. I ate Spicy Hot Cheetos* for breakfast, lunch and dinner yesterday. I luv those. Never heard of them until I came to California in April. If you like Wasabi, you'll like these. So what if consuming an entire bag ruins my carb count for the day. I have never successfully tailored my food groups around recommended daily allowances. Which means appendages will fall off one day, but...
These things are the snack food equivalent of heroin. Even as I write this my left hand occasionally snakes away from the keyboard of its own volition, diving into a Cheetos bag next to my chair and coming up with a handful. sigh. No. That was yesterday. But perhaps you see how One Serving morphed into One Bag.
* If you clicked on the link for Spicy Hot Cheetos you went to a site called Taquito's Net. Two things struck me as I skimmed the page. The picture they post is of an empty bag. Apparently the reviewer agrees with me. But here's the kicker: Cross-selling to the right suggests I "Buy one framed share of Krispy Kreme". Who would do that?? I assume they refer to a share of publically owned stock, and not (especially if you live in roach/rat infested Manhattan) a share of an actual Krispy Kreme.
posted by irene @ 10/16/2002 07:45:00 AM
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It's 5 a.m. I'm awake four hours after going to bed. Don't worry, I actually slept three hours. About an hour ago my brother returned home with Her. She apparently drank away her woes after her shift, and is now presently having a full blown conversation with herself. At this point I've realized it's not for my benefit. She relishes speaking to herself. She's mad at my brother for calling her a drunk, but I don't really care. And I have no idea how my brother is going to function at work on zero sleep.
Guess that means She won't be making time for her lawyer tomorrow today....even though there's a warrant out for her arrest.(!?) Paperwork error, but still. Kind of frightening if she gets pulled over for a speeding ticket. Wam, bam, jail. The bail bondsman will be pleased. Even if she is arrested without due reason, he'll get to keep his share.
Two weeks ago Andy Garcia and Meg Ryan were on TV in
When a Man Loves a Woman. I remember thinking how ironic it was when She asked for a summary of the movie. It's probably the one movie she should watch but never will. It's shocking to see someone in full blown denial about their behavior. It's even scarier to see a person's life slide quickly away. But what really unsettles me is the impact She has on her husband. My brother. Contrary to what She said earlier, he is not a bad person.
And Charlie, if you're reading, do you really care what a bunch bar buddies from Fannie's have to say about you?
No, didn't think so. Chin up brother. Do what you have to do.
posted by irene @ 10/15/2002 08:19:00 AM
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I, the hater of Mini Vans, drove one today. ANd liked it. Big white V6 spells freedom baby. And off I went shopping at the Fashion Valley Mall. Didn't buy anything there. But then I went to Target.
Yes. The Target. I love that store. Jeans, hair goop, face goop, tshirt (on sale!), rechargeable batteries, and a whole lotta other stuff. Stopped at Staples and Office Depot with no luck. Still need a chair. But I had fun. Even though I desperately miss my girly girls. It's no fun dragging my brother shopping. And the only other female I know close to my age group lives three hours away. Shopping with Her* is impossible. We just have very different taste. Very.
The mall though. It's amazing. Tiffany's, Nordstom's, Robinson & Mays, Macy's, BananaR, JCrew, gah. There are so many. Restoration Hardware. Saks. Neiman Marcus. And I didn't even touch the first floor. I was looking for jeans, and I was on a mission. Of course I failed miserably. My legs are far shorter than the 30" that Calvin, Polo, or KarenKane offer. 32" is wasted on me. And so I left dejected. I was literally ready to throw all of my money at anyone for a pair of jeans that fit. But no. I blame my father. Thanks Dad. And the shoes at Nine West were a wash. I was so excited to pick them up (finally). But when i tried them on they showed entirely too much toe (Mary Janes with a wedge). So no.
Random aside: Outdoor malls are starting to seem normal. But what I still find amazing is how the escalators are uncovered. So I guess (hope) they don't rust(?).
Surprised myself by not getting too lost. Accidently navigated my way home (with one short panic call to the brother). Who laughed at me. Gee, thanks. But I happened to be going in the right direction anyway. The only thing that miffed me was the ridiculous amount of gas I put in the car on the way home. Not normally a purchaser of gas, I overestimated what I used. Oops. But what comes around goes around, right?
So my day off was good. I did a few loads of laundry for the family. Folded everything very neatly thankyouverymuch. Cleaned the front bathroom. Started cleaning the 2nd living room. I think I'm an excellent house guest. Even if She doesn't want me here. I'm here. I can put on a good face. So there.
My bed is calling.
posted by irene @ 10/15/2002 03:10:00 AM
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)
Awwwwww. And that's Chuckie.
Isn't he the cutest?
I want a dog. That looks at you like
this when you 'disturb' them;)
posted by irene @ 10/15/2002 02:37:00 AM
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Oy. What mindless surfing will bring you. I'm taking a half day to clean, organize, and goof off since I 'worked' too much over the weekend. That basically means I keep running to answer the phone, turn laundry, scrub tiles while randomly sneaking searches in.
Viking Kittens
The work of Joel Veitch, whose site features a number of clever animations.
posted by irene @ 10/14/2002 04:05:00 PM
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Memories of the loss of one's virinity reverberate for a lifetime, and this book celebrates that special rites-of-passage experience. Written with genuine verve it put me in mind of my own initiation, a precociously skilled and attentive 14 year old, at the hands of my governess. Yet it's not always so picturesque, warns Fleming, referring to the example of British computer-programmer "Justin", whose knowledge of sex prior to losing his virginity was solely garnered from pornography. His experience was less an act of love than a grotesque re-enactment which his baffled partner could not have foreseen.
on The First Time by Karl Fleming.
Ugh. Bet that just upped the number of referrals from the seedier side of things.
posted by irene @ 10/14/2002 03:49:00 PM
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Ever look at reader reviews on Amazon? Well, Henry Raddick certainly has an interesting point of view.A well-written and challenging book which I bought for my Uncle Sandy as he attempts to cope with the aftershock of divorce. Unfortunately he thought the author's name was a coping strategy being suggested and he refused to read it.
And the book?
Surviving Divorce: A Handbook for Men by Gay Search
snicker.
Oh, but it gets better:
Last's superb guide enables the reader to identify which "eating profile" they fall into, and thereby select the weight-loss strategy appropriate to them. With my wife, who really let herself go quite some time ago, "Remorseless Grazer" covers most of the angles - and to know this is to be prepared. I found it easy to read and well thought out, and we certainly need it after Marjorie ballooned massively over our two week Second Honeymoon.
He's written 279 reviews. It's all tongue in cheek, and something to skim over during morning coffee. Make sure you're not supposed to be working when you read through them. They just get funnier and funnier.
posted by irene @ 10/14/2002 03:36:00 PM
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Seriously, when was the last time anyone asked you about college? As long as you went, and you're not interested in cutting someone open, or running for office, how does it really matter?
posted by irene @ 10/14/2002 02:38:00 AM
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posted by irene @ 10/14/2002 02:34:00 AM
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Something funny that crossed my desk today:
How to move across the country and be unemployed for 6 months.
- Ride a bike everywhere.
- Never eat in restaurants. Not even Denny's. (Does Denny's even count? Or is that lumped in with Red Lobster and co.?)
- Don't go to the Movies.
- Don't buy new CDs.
- Eat only generic grocery store brand food.
- Avoid products like chips, cookies, ketchup and ice cream.(Can ketchup really cost that much?)
- Stick to the basics, bread, meat, dairy and vegetables.
- coupons, coupons coupons...
- Drink only store bought PBR or Miller Lite beer. PBR is $5 a 12pac at sav-on, OR invest in one good hard liquor.
- If you do go out to drink, stick to $2 beers at dive bars only.
- Have someone live in your living room, reducing the cost of overall rent.
- If it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown flush it down. (A guy has to have to be the author.)
- Never buy new clothes. (NO way. Not possible. I'm plotting a breakaway to go shopping early this week. No can do.)
- Give back to the community, sell your plasma and semen. You don't need it anyway. (True...but...)
- Make a habit of having "No Money Fun", some examples are: Going to the beach, the park, watching planes land, reading, walking, playing cards or updating your website.
- Eat Soup, lots of it.
- Only do your laundry when have you have worn every item of clothing 5+ times.
- Have emergency money in a savings account.
- Rub one out. It'll make you take a nap. And who doesn't need a nap when you've got nowhere to be anytime soon?
- Peanut butter spreads further than you think.
- Lamps are for kids... candles.
- Showering is for kids....handy wipes.
- Play the "gimmie a dollar" game often.
- One cup, one bowl, one plate, one fork, one knife, one spoon.
Har. Found that entirely amusing.
posted by irene @ 10/14/2002 02:04:00 AM
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"Do not send your resume directly to this posting. Ability to obtain jobs is greatly decreased by doing so."
That's a first.
posted by irene @ 10/13/2002 05:33:00 PM
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Ok, got a question for ya:
If you only got to see your kids every other weekend, would you make it a priority? Or not?
Dude. Motherhood is subjective. It's a lot easier to be relaxed and calm when someone else has been watching your kids all day for you. She came home early from furlough (when the works done you get to go home). Immediately crawling up my brother's ass. *itch*
My goodness. I made Carlos stop on the way home at the 7-11 because I wanted beer. It's a nice day. We're not going out. So I got 2 six-packs. Lowenbrau and Carl Strauss. (Alright, and a bag of chips and a Cosmo.) I felt entitled after having my plans snatched away. I was supposed to meet Lisa, but poor planning prevented it. The plan had been to meet up in/near SD when she flew in. But it didn't work out that way. Instead, I went hiking with Charlie and the kids in the a.m.
Anyway. I buy beer. We come home. She is home. I get this creepy crawly feeling when I see the car. Bleh. Eck. I know what's coming. After all, who wouldn't be in a bad mood after a day of furlough? In we walk with our beer. MY beer:) Immediately:
SheDevil: "Where d'ya get money for beer, Carlos??"
no answer from my smart brother.
Again:
SheDevil: "Where did YOU G E T money for beer??? And you're drinking at this time of day??"
(It's 2.30)
Me: "I bought beer."
No response. She continues to bellow. "Where did you get money for beer????"
What the fuck?
I said so. She heard me. She looked at me. It's not like I'm driving anywhere in the middle of a Saturday. I'm having two beers. Fuck off. Go count your DUIs. And pay attention to your kids. (Which someone else bathed, dressed, fed, entertained, etc.)
Next topic to bitch on:
"Did you look up movie times for the Jonas movie?"
No. Of course my brother didn't. He was busy. Taking care of the kids. Get off your butt and look yourself. Geesus. Now what's a mother to do? Leave to go get her nails done.
And she shouts,"I'm not bringing my phone with me."
So now that I've gone online and looked up the movie times, it's obvious we can't take the kids. The next movie is at 5:05 or 5:10. Since we can't call her (!) to hurry up, we're going to miss the last matinee. And it's too late to take the kids at 7pm. Der. For lack of anything else to say. Raise your kids. And stop looking for trouble.
Whew. I feel better. Thank you.
posted by irene @ 10/12/2002 07:11:00 PM
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I never thought another explosion would happen in Finland.
"Nothing bad ever happens in Finland. In fact, nothing happens in Finland."
Which is what convinced me to pack a bag and work there this summer.
Horrible.
posted by irene @ 10/12/2002 01:14:00 PM
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posted by irene @ 10/11/2002 06:04:00 PM
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Grrr. After finishing 5 out of 8 steps on a potential employer's site, I accidently closed my browser. Thinking that some of my information was saved I tried to log in. You guessed it. Zilch. Start over.
WHY? It's not that hard after step one where you've collected a zillion means of contacting me. And a user name. And a password. That's aggravating.
posted by irene @ 10/11/2002 05:33:00 PM
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In this day and age, I am fascinated by companies that require use of faxes.
WHY?
Faced with the choice of jumping in a car and personally presenting my resume, I just signed up for eFax.
posted by irene @ 10/11/2002 05:08:00 PM
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Last gripe before I turn in.
She had the nerve to ask/tell my brother to wash the dog before going to work tomorrow.
UH, hello. He gets up at 6. Or leaves around 6. (She asked him at the end of ER.) And the reason She can't wash the dog herself?
Her nails. They'd get ruined.
(They're fake. I don't understand. They seem to work fine for furlough.)
Can anyone here spell "gloves"?
Aside from the fact that requiring a drink after an AA meeting is just absurd, I am outraged my brother is forced to carry so much of the housework. I've noticed that he's the only person in this household capable of washing dishes. No, really.
Tomorrow I'm diving into the back 'porch' area. Not sure what exactly lives there. Except that it blocks the view from my window. In the event of a fire I'd have a dickens of a time climbing out. (Not that we live in a fire trap. I'm just paranoid. I have two doors leading from my bedroom.) However, if a tornado were to set down, I'd be set. My room is in the exact center of the house AND next to two bathtubs. What more could a girl ask for?
Nite!
posted by irene @ 10/11/2002 05:43:00 AM
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Hours of entertainment. Take George, his mumblings, and a schnazzy interface from Lemonbovril in the U.K. Put your headphones on. Press play. tee hee.
posted by irene @ 10/11/2002 05:05:00 AM
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Har. For the record, the author of this blog is not a he.
(Do I sound like a he?)
*headshake*
Funny what you can learn with referral logs. I backtracked and learned that some of you think I'm a boy.
Nope. I'm cuter than a button and funnier than propriety allows. (Sidenote: Did you know that imagirl.com is was a site for transvestite dressers?Crossdressing for the refined transvestite.)
Feeling a tad guilty now that the circle of readership has expanded beyond people I actually know. (I refer to condensing remarks I made regarding "normal girl" earlier in the week.) But hey, like I said from the start, there's nothing new here. If you talk to me, you know I read like an open book. My expressions betray me. So aside from being incredibly poor at all card games, I enjoy poking fun at life. And myself.
And yes, I have big font on my blog because it's easier on the old man's eyes when my Daddy reads. Poo poo to you.
posted by irene @ 10/11/2002 04:59:00 AM
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posted by irene @ 10/11/2002 03:40:00 AM
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posted by irene @ 10/11/2002 02:49:00 AM
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posted by irene @ 10/11/2002 02:18:00 AM
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Duh. Hello Gigglechick "Mom"!
I finally remembered to register at BlogTree.com. For parents I have 3 moms. I wonder what that says about me...
Come to think of it, there's some overlap.
I met aforementioned mom at Xceed. The same place I met crazy Catherine . And it's Catherine who introduced me to Trisha. And if you recall I lived with Trisha and Tricia before I moved to The Queens. And it is Tricia who just moved to LA. You just never know who, what or why.
posted by irene @ 10/08/2002 01:24:00 AM
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The public nature of this still weirds me out. Yes, I censor. Goodness knows I'd be locked up if I didn't. Or maimed...
Speaking of which, She literally [albeit accidently] poked me in my lazer zipped eye Saturday night. With a super-duper bright orange nail tip. As I was trying to remind Her of her self-imposed curfew she gesticulated a little too grandly for my taste. The next morning I was paranoid. I kept covering one eye while staring at the tv. For the record, my eye did hurt and was blurry for a better part of the morning. Granted, it probably had something to do with the massive amounts of booze consumed the previous evening. (I have a tendency to have really dry eyes ever since the lasik hoorahrah.)
Headshake. Don't hang with a rough crowd if you can't hack it.
I am weak.
The diet blog I started this week has food prominently placed. Either for my distraction or as a reminder. It's a toss up.
posted by irene @ 10/08/2002 01:21:00 AM
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And to think I missed the opening night party for the New York Museum of Sex
sigh. My uber connected friend could have gotten me in the door. But no. I had to move.
posted by irene @ 10/07/2002 07:34:00 PM
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Needing to buy your own health insurance makes you one of the unwanted children of the insurance marketplace.
Singing to the choir.
After nearly gushing blood all over Tricia's fancy new [clean-enough-you-can-eat-on] carpet, I'm hankering for some coverage. Parents take note: Even IF I had signed up with Scient I'd still be screwed. Filing bancruptcy provides no motivation for them to continue extending benefits. They've apparently stopped communicating with Cobra.
However, even if I DO obtain coverage for the here and now, it may not help. Consider the definition of a "break in coverage". If you have a break, a new insurer could refuse to cover something that it deems is a "pre-existing condition". Imagine the liberties they take exploring the definition.
Yuck.
Either way, I'd prefer to avoid future discussions on stiches vs. butterfly bandaids. Or, as She strongly advocated, the use of crazy glue for open wounds. (!?!)
Then this morning I received a sneaky email from Ernesto's daughter. Sent from her email address, she penned it as though her father had written it. So either that means:
1) Ernesto IS bonkers (and is reneging on our last discussion) OR
2) She's trying to coerce me out of money.
My parents suspect that Ernesto was giving her the difference on rent to pay her own mortgage. I don't care if she's a teacher and doesn't have money. It's illegal to overcharge a sublettor on a rent control apartment. Wench. And I am steaming. She sent the note to me and my parents. grrrr. steam. If she doesn't stop immediately, I am filing a report with Eliot Spitzer's office. Take that you, you, Grrr.
(Note: I am trying to weed some of the horrendous cuss words from my immediate vocabulary. The visiting folk from New Orleans have shamed me into behaving.)
posted by irene @ 10/07/2002 02:32:00 PM
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Good Morning!
Funny thing I forgot to share last night: The Golden Years c/o My Tubes
Men - O - P a u s e
I don't know why I never thought of it that way. Joy. Something to look forward to:)
posted by irene @ 10/07/2002 12:45:00 PM
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The Poll Question....
Nobody likes me, everybody hates me
guess i'll go
1) jump off the roof
2) eat worms
3) buy an Uzi
4) tell them all to go fuck themselves
Guess which was most popular?
Now I can go to bed.
posted by irene @ 10/07/2002 04:29:00 AM
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Have an opinion, even if it's the wrong one
Gawd. Love that.
Another random web poll caught my eye. It's true. To move through life you need to be decisive. It's not impossible to continue existing without doing so, but it certainly helps facilitate the process.
I've been floating around waiting for something. And it's not coming. or going. It's funny. When father-with-son-who-lives-in-the-bronx-who-kept-buying-drinks-for-irene-in-julian asked me what kind of job would make me "happy" I was stumped. Nothing will make me happy. I don't know what the enlightened stage is supposed to be. (Emphasis like Chandler Bing please.)
I am happy about the following:
...Friends and family who understand and (probably more importantly) encourage and support.
...Aforementioned group somehow actively listens while not judging.
I am happy when I'm at the center of attention.
I am happy when I'm left to my own devices.
I am happy when it's quiet.
I am happy when life is on fast-forward.
I am happy wearing jeans and flip flops.
But I am also happy wearing winter boots, overly priced skirts, and starched shirts.
In other words, I'm a walking contradiction.
And I'm ready for a steady paycheck. Fan the good kharma this way please.
Nite.
posted by irene @ 10/07/2002 04:12:00 AM
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Tsk. Tsk.
Kimberly
My life up to this point has been one of a normal young American with working parents. I went to high school - got straight A's - went to college - got straight A's - and then when it's all over I realized I haven't done anything - explored anything - acq
Alright. So I should have closed the Meetup window long ago. But it was still there, so I poked around. And registered (just to get on the mailing list thankyouverymuch.) When you register you're asked to provide a blurb about yourself. And that's what dear Kimberly wrote. How boring do you think her writings and/or musings are? Oof. I know I'm not doing anything exciting, but please, for the love of someone, stop me when I get to this point.
Unnecessarily harsh. Fine.
But do non-normal parents stay at home? Are their children, by default, incapable of attaining a 4.0?
posted by irene @ 10/07/2002 03:12:00 AM
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OH! I almost forgot. On the drive home we stopped for a pee break. Well not ME, but we stopped long enough that I was convinced an ax murderer was going to run out of the woods.
Hehe. (Ax was already in the car, remember?)
Sorry. When you're out in the middle of nothing there are no city lights. The stars twinkle without distraction. And we were far from any flight paths. So the sky was literally full of diamonds. I can't believe I almost deleted that from my memory. I can understand why so many people believe salvation is divine enough to come from the sky. (But I don't really understand why aliens are acceptable.) If you're going to be saved, or transported, or zapped away to a foreign world, travel at night.
But not in the HOV lane.
It's prettier.
posted by irene @ 10/07/2002 02:41:00 AM
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Please tell me I'm crazy for even considering this.
I mean, wouldn't it be chock full of Star Trek-Star Wars-convention freaks? (As in the kind that enjoy dressing in period costume.)
Interesting. It couldn't be any worse than the industry networking social events. But this brings to mind the collection of business cards that I'm growing at an alarming rate. Essentially any time Irene is in a bar in California, my business cards must be copulating like bunnies in the depths of my purse. But that's another story that I need a scanner for.
Erm.
So now that I'm sitting here I'm drawing a blank for Friday night. Thaaaat's right. That's because I did nothing. Oy. I read and vegged in anticipation of a road trip Sunday. (I wanted to be uber productive Saturday and run errands to the post office, bank, etc.) Charlie and I were supposed to drive up to Julian Saturday to pick up an ax from Gemma. (Who forgets an ax?) We had a change in plans.
Originally the plan had been for Charlie and I to go, while She was out on furlough. Ahem. However, She felt ill for her first day and opted out of highway cleaning. (FYI: If you miss two in a row you have to start over.)
Fine and dandy. At least this way there wouldn't be any animosity or green fangs exposed. When Charlie got home we set off. Actually we made a side trip to KMart in order to properly clothes our beloved convict. (Work boots are key.) Then we hit the highway. At this point I realized why cramming three adults into a sports car was not such a brilliant idea. Actually, the cramps shooting up my legs were the first warning sign. Pictures were impossible to take from my scooped bucketseat. Grr.
Julian is roughly an hour's drive north. We got there considerably faster than that. On many a curvy, windy road. I've been told it was perfectly safe. But as mentioned previously, my view of the pavement was limited. One thing for the other. Otherwise I would probably have died of a heart attack on the way up.
Gemma is a "hippy-nature loving-potsmoking-lesbian" who "is in a band, leads karaoke night at the locale country club, lives on a mountain in a silver bullet trailer". Mention her name in the small town of Julian and doors open. If there were bouncers, we'd have preference. But there aren't any. Nor do they apparently ask for cover charges at the door. Ever. Michelle met Gemma years ago at a P parade. Something stuck. So periodically they head up to drink, rent cabins, drink, smoke, and raise a ruckus in this small town. For fun my brother likes to chop trees down and dig holes. Hence the ax. (Good thing we weren't pulled over on the way home with a weapon in the trunk. eyeroll. Did I mention my brother religiously carries a knife? Nice combo. My poor mother is going to have a heart attack when she reads this.)
Side note: Visit the official web site for Julian and you'll see that "it's still beautiful and safe to visit". They refer to the massive Pine and Peak fires that burned recently. We hiked around Gemma's property to see the damage. The mountainsides are literally black. It's really weird b/c of the limited amount of trees that burned. When there's only scrub brush to burn, there's very little left. I don't knwo about you, but if I could look out my window and see a raging fire, it would be time to leave. But no. People in this town stayed home unless forced to leave by the authorities.
So we hiked, played with the herd of adorable loveable dogs (and two cats!), meandered around town, nibbled jabanero pistachios and planned dinner. Discussed bringing home a female black lab. (LUV this dog.) I almost got to see what "dinner theatre" consists of, but She thought a show ending at 10.30 would be too late. So no Man of la Mancha.
Instead we ate chicken wings, pork and rib eye steak. Conveniently located in the back of 'the' restaurant is a bar complete with a taxodermist's works of art. Heads, skins, bones. You name it. It's hanging on the wall. Yup. Our bartender appeared to be on crack. (Or something. I don't know my drugs. But according to Her he had definitely done something. Very erratic. Plus he missed an easy upsell opportunity. A barstool neighbor introduced me to scotch.)
Wait. Almost forgot. Drinks cost little to nothing. Bottled beer is around 3 dollars. I forgot to ask what tap prices were like. But the top-shelf scotch bar-stool-neighbor-dude was drinking set him back .... 7 bucks. That's it.
Anyhoo. After properly dousing ourselves we drove over to the country club. (Irene was pp drunk b/c of all the free drinks.) I don't have the heart to properly mock the reception party that was happening in the bar. I prefer to save that for another time. (I thought the only people who wore formal wear to bar were college kids after a formal.) Let's just say that I drank enough to forget how tired I was, and how utterly annoyed I was at being out so late. Why? Even though we had agreed to leave no later than 10pm, there was always "another drink" or "story" or something that She needed to attend to. 1) I was thinking of the drive home 2) Furlough??? 5 AM wake up call anyone?? (And I missed dinner theatre to watch (admittedly nice) small town folk drink?)
Blah. But I did have a lot of fun. And I have too many funny stories about even funnier people. I did notice that the resident lesbian kept casually touching my arm. And she's not normally a toucher you know? Kind of disconcerting. Then again, the-guy-whose-name-i-can't-remember-right-now-who-is-supposedly-harmless, kept trying to touch me also. She whispered 'he likes his hispanic girls' and then proceeded to nudge me. JOY! Hot dang. Snare me a man.
Come on. If you went away to college, you'll understand me categorizing him under "Local". Flannel shirt over a t-shirt, jeans (but everyone wears those to bars here), a baseball hat, and a drawl.
Hmm. My mother is right. I'm going to end up alone and bitter if I keep ridiculing life.
I can't help myself.
:)
posted by irene @ 10/07/2002 01:41:00 AM
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[Rail Travel]
Composed in the wee hours of Tuesday A.M.
Hurray! I am Amtrak checked. And raring to go. Fooey I didn't bring my headphones as I figured mp3s would drain the battery. Turns out there's a plug right next to the window seat. Weird experiences all around this morning.
To start off with, I didn't go to sleep until 12:50. At least that's what the clock read when I turned off the light. Then the phone rang at 1.30. She was calling to remind him to pick her up at 2 a.m.(as if he could possibly forget).
Then his alarm went off.
THen he snoozed.
Then he left.
Then I slept for what felt like a nanosecond.
Then the clock read 3:30. (I had set my alarm for 4:00).
After ten minutes laying there I heard Charlie and a tipsy She come home. Her ire was raised when She realized I was awake. (My light was on.) Even though Charlie had explained he needed to drive me downtown, she was pissed 'I would be awake while they were having sex.' It's in the blog as it was literally shouted through the house. If you had been there you would have heard it yourself.
Anyhoo, showered and packed I headed towards the living room. My brother made me a delicous grilled egg/cheese/ham sandwich. Heart attack on a Barbie plate, but man did I whoof it down. In this household they also have milk (!) which was a nice way to finish off my breakfast.
Couple of things...
My brother came back from dropping Her off somewhere around 10. (Remember, she can't drive anywhere now.) He didn't sleep at all. I'm kicking his ass if he doesn't take a nap asap this afternoon. There are absolutely no errands or chores that have to be done, regardless of Her wishes. Sorry. My brother works too hard.
[Now serving alchoholic beverages.]
Coming back to my original thoughts, Amtrak has their act together on the western seaboard. The station is a throwback to the 50's; arched ceilings, tile floors, polite conductors. Having purchased my ticket online, it was a zip picking it up. The ticket dude said Good Morning (!??) and was sincere in explaining where the track was. No sarcasm.
My little double decker is clean and very comfy. Not to continue boring you with the details, it's such a departure from the LIRR line I'm still in shock. From San Diego to Burbank (which is 2 stops past LA) I'm only paying $21.60 OW. Deal. Steal. And the pulldown tray kicks ass! It slides out and literally oozes itself over my lap. I could have a cup of coffee on it and it wouldnt' spill.
Last tidbit: Per the announcement, the cafe is now serving alcoholic beverages, hot sandwiches, and cold drinks.
Amtrak rocks.
posted by irene @ 10/05/2002 05:01:00 AM
0 comments
Hold Everything! I've found something far superior.
Working for DrPhil.com
Oversee staff and create editorial, interactive, and multimedia content to help people "get ready to get real."
If you're a fan, it would be perfect for you. (Hello Lisa:)
If you despise Dr Phil, well, then I guess it wouldn't work.
But funny to see advertised none the less.
posted by irene @ 10/05/2002 04:39:00 AM
0 comments
Jobs, jobs, jobs.
The things you see when looking. Not even sure where to begin with this one.
If everything else fails, I can take a job below minimum wage and be an Audience Member. That's right folks. Duties?
You will be responsible for arriving on time for each show, sitting still, remaining quiet and applause on cue.
Whooee!
Before you get your panties in a bunch and start the application process rolling, be sure that you meet the stringent criteria. Necessary job experience includes the following:
...call for details
...patience
...ability to sit still quietly for a long period of time
...Fun loving "people person" attitude
Now I ask you (experts in your own right if you've ever watched television), what kind of details does an audience member "need" to remain attuned to? Or is this a polite way of asking audience members to remain awake?
posted by irene @ 10/05/2002 04:32:00 AM
0 comments
So where did the remainder of my day/eve go?
Identity Fraud.
Some awful person in Oakland California has been setting up accounts in MY name using MY SSN.
Discovered this nuggest when checking my credit reports from the 3 disparate credit agencies. I have different scores which show different accounts. One agency also says that I have no (as in "zero, zip, nada") employment history. After watching the sales sharks in action with Tricia at the car dealerships, I thought checking out my score would be a good. Sweet jesus.
It is a pain to fix identy fraud. And it is time consuming.
GRRRRR. CHECK YOUR CREDIT regularly. And keep every single piece of paper. I will never laugh at Hovanec again. It's more than ok to amass paper in bulk.
posted by irene @ 10/04/2002 10:45:00 PM
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It started with a trip, but then ...
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