What the hell?

And it keeps on raining...
Well, let's see. When I last left you I was ready to puke (again) at the thought of calling the former 'landlord'. [Note: From now on everything related to the Queens apartment must be treated with kid gloves. The 'landlord' or 'primary tenant' is Ernesto.Otherwise I'll start referring to him as 'idiot' or 'greedy bastard' or 'ggggrrrruumblfr*cking*ss'. Or something.]

I tried calling him yesterday night. No answer. I was gearing up for a dinner-ish call but was prompted into action earlier by the ball-busting daughter of the landlord. Irene went ballistic when she read the following (today):

Irene and Carlos,

The courtesy of a response would be most appreciated. Please email or call me
at xxx-xxx-xxx. I wish to settle this matter ASAP. As I mentioned, your
agreement with xxxxx[Harvardslimeball]xxxx in no way has an effect on your agreement and
responsability to us. I have received another phone bill in the amount of
$12.36 for a hospital charge (collect call). So this is to be added to the
balance due .

The total due to date is : $1550.32. This does NOT include the con edison
bill for the month of August, When that is received it will be forwarded.
Perhaps I should come by your home to discuss and settle the matter. Please
advise.

AND it gets better two hours later:

Carlos and Irene,

I was just informed that you have already turned in the keys to the apartment
and have removed all your belongings. We expect payment in full immediately.

xxx[meannastywoman]xxx

First of all: Why the attention to my Dad for chissakes? Like he's going to spring into action and write a check? (uh no.) Or does she think he's going to yell at me? Whatever. But I was particularly amused by the image of her ringing my parent's doorbell. Ooooo scary. Let me call the police to welcome you in.

The woman had her panties in a bunch because I hadn't responded to email since my last day in Finland. Now you know how awful I am at writing you, my friends. I've barely managed to stay awake since i've been in New York. And for two lovely days I was cleanign the residual dirtslimecrap from HarvardMan. Weeding through 100 or so emails is no fun. And I had already told Blanca (the upstairs in-law) that I was going to be hanging around Manhattan for a few days. So it's not like she didn't know where I was. And that I was going to call Ernesto. Blah!

My polite and pointed response apparently did not please her. I told her I was dealing directly with her Dad, and that she should direct any questions to his attention. And then I told her to stop harrassing my family. Apparently that word got to her. Boy is she madder than a wet parrot.(ok, so the saying in spanish is less corny.)

Then my mom and I went to Walmart (oy, was it crowded. think circus. no! a bar at last call.) and Target (ahhhhh. Love it.)

Shoes were purchased.
And velour leisure pants.
(ok, a substitute for sweatpants. The unemployed positively need these!)
And um, vitamins.

So I finally spoke to Ernesto. The man is nuts. No, wait. He suffers from a serious bout of selective memory. And creative imagination.

It's too long to go into, but basically he tried to guilt trip me into paying Harvard man's rent for August. And all of his utilities. But remember folks, Harvard man is only following the law and not paying more than what he's supposed to. (Put aside how sneaky and conniving HarvardMan was for now.) Even after I told the Big E (that's a good name for him! he's SO big. BIG MAN.) that I didn't have a trust fund he persisted. And told me I owed what my honor and conscious demanded.

So I told Ernesto I was shocked, actually appalled, when I learned how much he was overcharging me the last 15 months. And that considering he's made more than $10,000 off me (tax free) I thought there was a little lee-way in dealing with the HarvardMan 'misunderstanding'.

Ernesto told me 'he was already at a financial loss with the utilities'. And that I was confusing the difference between rent and utilities.[whaaat?]

That 'he pays utilities out of his own pocket' and not from the rent. And that 'he's an honest man who pays his obligations on time'. [Hint, hint, why dont ya?]

OH! And then he starts making up conversations. And deleting others. He said, and I literally spit my disbelief, he said:

'Irene. I remember now. [What? Sudden photographic memory?] When you told me you were going to work in San Diego this summer, I said the apartment could stay open. If you returned to NY and wanted to move back in, it was no problem with me. And there was no need to pay for the summer rent.'

RIGHT. Like I would have gone to the trouble to 1) searching 2) reference checking 3) emptying the apartment etc.

And here's where I won my Mother's vote: He never called my parents in June. He never spoke to James in June. He never discussed the papers the management company served him and HarvardMan. None of that ever happened.

So I know this is confusing. And I've left holes everywhere. But thank god I'm not being asked for any money from him. I just have the threat of potential litigation from HarvardMan (who will hopefully keep quiet and forget about me). HarvardMan squeaked through the experience by paying a little over $800/mo for a great 2BR for 3 months. HarvardMan trashed my belongings. HarvardMan made use of the A/C and charged up hundreds of dollars with ConEd. And has said he's given all the money he'll ever give. The sly devil. But all legal.

And kosher.

(Ask me in private to demonstrate the whispered hallowed voices the upstairs biddy used to describe Jewish lawyers.)

posted by irene @ 9/03/2002 12:27:00 AM